New beginnings can be a powerful force. Although it may be difficult at first to embrace change, imagine what you can do with a fresh start-absolutely anything you want! You may have a few hurdles to get over as you settle into a new groove, because divorce is a significant life change, rife with its own complexities. Ultimately, though, you're in charge. The destination and the wonderful journey ahead are up to you! Taking stock of your emotions and your current status is a necessary part of healing. You can then focus on reframing your predicament-using your experience and aspirations to fuel constructive, even lucrative, endeavors that challenge, uplift, and better your overall quality of living.
Cut Yourself Some Slack: Understand the fact that grieving is a process; it will take time to heal. One family therapist, Vikki Stark, MSW, says you can expect it to take a full two years to recover from divorce. That may be reasonable, though everyone grieves in different ways and to different degrees. Regardless of the timeframe, it's important to allow yourself to feel and to be validated in that.
When you spend your heart and your years building a life with someone, it can be painful in a lot of ways if that relationship ends. You may find yourself with a spectrum of emotions that range from guilt, bitterness or anger, to uncertainty, to relief and even anticipation. You may also begin to question your sense of self-worth and direction now that family and individual goals have shifted. Begin to take note of how you are feeling and think of ways you might harness and channel that.
Experience and Experiment: A whopping 80% of our energy is used up processing heavier emotions, says Lynnette Hoy, a licensed clinical professional counselor. This means it's in one's best interest to learn to constructively deal with heartache. Do things that bring joy. You might try activities like: picking up an old hobby; spending more quality time with family and friends; taking a recreational or meditative "retreat" somewhere; or, even solitary things like journaling your thoughts or going for long walks or drives. You may find that injecting your days with doses of happiness can quickly turn your mood and your outlook around.
Get out there and experiment with something unexpected. You might find challenge, fulfillment, and even joy in trying something outside your comfort zone. Volunteer your time or talents to a cause you're passionate about. Giving often puts the focus on others and can help you gain perspective. Learning something new can also be exhilarating. For instance, you might have a friend or coworker teach you a new skill, like changing a tire or cooking an easy meal. You might take a continuing education class at a local school or recreational center. Or, you might even try something more long-term, like committing to a formal certification course or starting a new small business.
Invest in Yourself: Seek out ways to capitalize on and expand your abilities. Do you have a passion, talent, or skill at something? Consider supplementing your income by turning that drive and ability into a secondary home-based business. Are you good at hairstyling, repairing mechanical problems, writing or graphic design, or gardening? Perhaps you're good with accounting, tutoring, baking delicious goods, or keen on making customized crafty gifts. You might think about creating flyers or other means of local advertisement to begin putting your goods/service "out there" to earn profit. Begin using social networking to spread the word on entrepreneurial things you're doing. Participate in local fairs or community events. Speak to local stores or other outlets about holding free demonstrations, etc., to begin to get the word out. Ventures like this can build your self-esteem, confidence, and your wallet. If you can experience little personal victories often, you can maintain the momentum in mindset and action that positively changes your life.
Bottom Line: Moving on from divorce can take a lot of courage and effort. Accepting the grieving process and allowing yourself you work through your range of feelings may be difficult at first but will become easier with time. Make purposeful decisions each day to find joy in little things, because changing your outlook and mindset can prime you for more positive opportunities. By identifying and honing in on some of your new goals, and channeling your feelings into constructive ventures, like volunteering or starting a new business, you can begin to move on from divorce and feel happy and fulfilled. Expanding your knowledge and breadth of experiences may also lead you ignite new passions that enhance your life.
Divorce Series: Division of Assets | Child Support & Custody | Prenups | Life After Divorce
